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The Pick-Up community, for example, be of use to men wanting to do better at dating, in theory…

but so much of pick-up is based around mistaken ideas regarding gender roles and female sexuality that it’s difficult to sort the gold from the toxic, rape-y dross.

Before I get too much further into this, allow me to share the email that prompted all of this: Doc, can you help?

My brother’s gotten caught up in the Red Pill Philosophy.

He regularly insulted and talked down to his female friends, and touched them in ways that make them uncomfortable.

He also gaslighted my mother and threatened her with a physical attack when he didn’t get what he wanted, since he believed she hated men and was out to get him.

Dating abuse (also known as dating violence, intimate partner violence, or relationship abuse) is a pattern of abusive behaviors -- usually a series of abusive behaviors over a course of time -- used to exert power and control over a dating partner.

Every relationship is different, but the things that unhealthy and abusive relationships have in common are issues of power and control.

I mention all of this because one of the things I’m always pushing against are the toxic philosophies that so often masquerade as dating advice.

He eventually got a girlfriend (not his crush) which “proved” red pill worked.

In some ways red pill did make him more attractive.

One of the reasons why I write about feminist issues or bad behavior within the geek community is because, frankly, getting better at dating is a holistic system.

As I’m fond of saying, dating success is 80% attitude and 20% skill, and a of that attitude involves both issues of masculinity and also understanding and empathizing with women.

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